So, it turns out my mom was right.
She used to say, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” and after all these years, I just finished reading the research that proves she was right…..
All kinds of scientists and mathematicians have proven that the more positive we are, the more successful we are. They’ve proven it for individual people. They’ve proven it for married couples. They’ve proven it for teams in an organizational context. In fact, there is a mathematical equation that can predict how mentally healthy an individual is, how likely a married couple is to last, and how “high performing” a work group will be, all based upon how the individuals perceive positivity and negativity in their own life and how the individuals in couples and groups speak to one another.
When we’re talking about positivity, we’re talking about encouragement, support and appreciation. We’re also talking about the tendency to focus more on others rather than ourselves and to focus on “inquiry” (i.e. asking questions to understand the other person) rather than “advocacy” (i.e. pursuing our own position). When we talk about negativity, we’re talking about cynicism, sarcasm and disapproval, as well as the tendency to focus on the opposite – self and advocacy of our own position.
As an individual, to be viewed as flourishing, or essentially mentally healthy, your “positivity ratio” needs to be at about 3:1. For those of us who’ve forgotten most of what we learned about ratios, that means 3 positive experiences, or moods or feelings (lumped together, often called affect) to 1 negative one.
For married couples to feel satisfied and for the relationship to have a strong prediction of lasting, the ratio must be 5:1. Essentially that means that for every 1 negative thing someone says, there must be 5 positive ones.
For teams, a high performing team requires a 5:1 ratio as well.
Why so many more positive than negative? Because negativity is stronger than positivity. Haven’t we all seen that? One negative attitude in the room can bring the whole room down, and once it’s down, it is really challenging to turn it around.
The good news, however, is that positivity lasts longer than negativity, and it creates more positivity which has a rippling effect out into the world. It actually broadens our skills and abilities and allows for greater creativity as well as the ability to correct incorrect assumptions. In addition, frequent positive affect predicts resilience to adversity, resistance and reduction in a variety of health related issues, and it has a clear link to predicting how long people live.
Why should we care? For a lot of reasons. When we’re negative, it literally limits the number of options available to us. This is part of the reason why it’s so strong. Because of the limits it puts on us, we can’t come up with creative ways to get ourselves out of it. This makes negativity a relatively stable and long lasting affect in some people, couples and organizations. Does this idea remind you of anyone in particular?
From a work perspective, we care because high performing teams are more profitable, have higher customer satisfaction and higher evaluations by superiors, peers and subordinates. You would think that the medium performing teams are OK, or at least average. Unfortunately, that’s not the case either. Although they start off stronger than the low performing teams, they essentially end up in the same place – stuck and unable to tap into their creativity to solve problems.
As I think about how I might implement this in my own life, I realize it all comes back to values. I need to value positivity, and the benefits it brings. Once I value those things, I can live it. When I live it, I have a chance to lead it.
To support me on that journey, or perhaps to help motivate you if you’re interested as well, I’ve added some musical references, because I relate things to music so often. Here’s a non traditional version of “Accentuate the Positive,” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4v0PvGYshr8.
If that feels too sappy for you, give Jack Ingram’s “Love Me” a try, as Jack sums it up perfectly with the idea that it’s really all about how we look at things.
Sources:
Frederickson, B.L. & Losada, M. (2005). Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing, American Psychologist, 60(7), 678-686.
Gottman, J.M. (1994). What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship Between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
Losada , M. & Heaphy, E. (2004). The role of positivity and connectivity in the performance of business teams: A nonlinear dynamics model, American Behavioral Scientist, 47(6), 740-765.
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